MS Update...

...And not really unexpected news.


I had a visit with my Neurologist a few weeks ago because I had noticed my balance had been continually getting worse and I just had not been feel like myself...well atleast my new MS self. As I had suspected for some time the rate at which my health continues to deteriorate has increased. As I said, my balance has continued to get worse causing me to stumble on a regular basis and walking any distance at more than a snails pace exhausts me to the point I can not function. He also noticed that when I walk now I'm rolling one of my feet to compensate for the balance issues and dragging my feet more when I walk which also contributes to the tripping and stumbling.

He suggested doing an MRI and tweaking some of my meds. Increasing my Amantadine to 3 times a day and adding Ampyra 2 times a day also increasing my Nurotin to 300 mg 2 times a day and 600 mg at night. Like most medications for MS the Ampyra is extremely expensive so I had to wait to start it until I could get on an assistance program.
  Well that program came through while me and the Cable Guy were on vacation and my meds arrived a few days ago. The side effects are ugly but I continue to take it in hopes that I will get used to it and it will help. Unfortunately the success rate for this drug is only 30%. That is only 30% of all people with MS have any improvement in symptoms.

My MRI is scheduled for this afternoon after the required visit with the vampire yesterday for blood work. I have to admit I'm not very concerned by the test itself but the results of the test scare me to death. If there has been alot of change, meaning more lesions, my neuro wants to change my injections. This could be bad because I picked this particular medication, Copaxone, because it has relatively few side effects compared to the others.

I have to say that I have not really been satisfied with my visits with local neurologists and because of this I have been doing some research on other doctors that specialize in MS. I found one, an MS clinic, about 3 hours from here.  I have a MS friend who has an appointment there soon and if she has good results with them I will be pursuing that route.

 I have been having alot of pain in my neck as well as increased neuropothy pain and trouble with insomnia. All made worse by the fact I will be returning to school next week...

In the meantime here are some more pictures for our vacation...

A Great Vacation and some Butterfly Pictures

The Cable Guy and I went on vacation last week. Our first one without the kids. It was great to be able to just relax and do whatever we wanted, like shop, without worrying that the boys were not having a good time.

Here are some pictures from the Butterfly Palace. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did/do.

Sad

I hate when my kids are mad at me, even if it is over something I feel is for their own good.

 I'm finding it hard to be the parent of an adult child starting out in the real world especially since hes been away at school for a couple of years and used to being on his own and making his own decisions with out me around to see the decisions hes making.

I just want to  know hes safe and can take care of himself is that too much to ask?

It was so much easier when they were little. I miss my little guy. Hes growing up and I don't like it, not at all.

Decisions and Disappointments --Update

Well the proverbial shit has hit the fan so to speak. The bad decisions have indeed ended in bad consequences. I wish I could say I didn't see it coming but I'd be lying which only increases the disappointment  and sadness.

Sadness because my momma's heart wants to fix it but my momma's head knows I have to let the chips fall where they may and hope some lessons are learned. I'm only sorry the lessons are being learned the hard way.

Disappointed because I know it didn't have to be like this and so much potential is being wasted.

Sadness because the consequences effect all of us in some way and therefore disappoints us all.

In all of this I know that God has a plan. It definitely is not the plan I wanted or expected but in the end its not our plan that is important but His and I have to trust that He knows whats best and what the outcome will be.

Please pray for piece and for knowledge for my family....


He never promised it would be easy only that he would be there to help us through it all.










Its always hard to watch someone you love struggle to make hard decision that can and sometimes do effect their future. Its even harder to watch someone you love be disappointed because of the consequences of those decisions. Whether we like it or not, whether we plan it or not our actions have consequences both positive and negative. Its the negative ones that we so remember and have the biggest impact not just on that person but everyone that loves and cares about that person.

Lately there has been alot of decisions being made in my family. Some with good consequences some with bad and with the bad comes disappointment.

I have watched my son struggle to transition from being a boy to a man and have to make decisions that will effect his future. Decision that, as a mother, I wonder if hes doing the right thing even knowing that they are his decisions to make and his lessons to learn. I struggle with letting him make those decisions and can only hope he learns from his mistakes when he does make a bad decision.

I have watched my step-son make bad decisions to return to a life I fear in the long run will lead him down a path that hes not strong enough to return from; knowing hes making a bad decision and being helpless to do anything to stop it.

Disappointments for them when their decisions don't have the desired outcome, disappointment for me because I don't want to see them hurting or disappointed.

It makes me wonder if this is how God feels about us? He sees us making decisions that will effect the rest of our lives and is powerless to do anything about it, only hoping that we somehow learn from our mistakes, loving us no matter what those decisions are or the consequences they may have.

 Loving us in spite of ourselves, unconditionally.

Guy Fieri and The Road Show

 A couple of months ago I was playing round on my phone when I should have been paying attention in class I was quickly checking my phone between classes and came across and advertisement on our local news ap about Guy Fieri, the host of triple D (for those of you that watch the food network you know who and what that is, for those of you that don't....well you don't  know what your missing out on). He was going to be doing his Road Show in a town that's about an hour and a half from here and the tickets were going on sale the next day. Thankfully for me I was out of school the next day. I got up early and waited not so patiently for the appointed time that the tickets would go on sale. At said time I signed into the proper website to get my tickets, clicking on the little tab that says "best seats available"...then I see that the "best seats available" are almost $100.00 and honestly I debated getting them for a few minutes then decided against it and opting for the next best seats which were also really good seat. We were only about 5 or 6 rows back.

Wednesday was the day of the Road Show, I could not wait. The Cable Guy took two days off work thinking I wouldn't be back in school yet for the summer session and we could go up early and spend the night and have a mini vacation. No such luck, I started school the day before... BUT we left as soon as I got out of school and spent the afternoon just hanging out, doing a little shopping before the show.

We decided we needed a snack and whats better than ice cream on a hot afternoon? Nothin' right....except maybe a snowcone. We came across a Maggie Moos and have heard great things about it so it was a sign right? I have to say all the things we heard about Maggie Moos was absolutely correct, it was amazing, and they had my absolute favorite flavor for just about anything in the world....cotton candy! Well let me just say for the record when your picking ice cream flavors somewhere new you might want to take into consideration if there are food colorings used in the process...especially when said ice cream is bright blue! Don't get me wrong it was great and tasted just like cotton candy....but I looked like smurfette when I was done!

No that's not me trying to be cool and wearing blue lipstick!

The show was amazing! I wish I had payed the extra money to get the "best seats available" it would have been more than worth it. I didn't expect him to be SO funny! The show typically only lasts an hour and a half but the night we were there it lasted about three hours. SO GOOD! He was doing another show the next night a couple hours away and we had such a good time we considered going then too and getting the expensive seats! If you like his shows and hes in your area I suggest going its well worth it.

me and the cable guy waiting for the show to start
(yes the blue finally wore off)

a few shots of the intro's running on the big screen above the stage

shots of the stage right before he came out

the only picture I got of him that wasn't fuzzy

The only thing I regret about the whole night was that I didn't stay after the show to get him to sign my book and get a picture with him. There were 1200 people there (sold out show) and I swear all 1200 were standing in line to get books signed. By this time I had been up since 7:00 that morning and it was already almost 11:00 and we had to drive and hour and a half home and I had to get up to school the next day....or so I thought...my teacher canceled class that morning. I was SO MAD! I wish I had just spent the money and got the best tickets so I could have gone to the meet-and-greet before the show.

All in all it was a great night!

Remembering Summers Past

The school year is coming to an end for alot of those around me. High school graduations are taking place and elementary school kids are counting down the days till summer officially starts for them. For some kids in the area this wont happen for a couple of more weeks because of all the snow and ice we had earlier this year. For some parents its a time of sadness because they are seeing their babies grow up, for others its a time of happiness for the same reason.

This time last year I was feeling the same mix of emotions as the Guitar Man was graduating high school.

A young mother from my church made the comment this morning that she was excited that today was her oldest sons last day of kindergarten and she couldn't wait to officially get the summer started but this afternoon she was singing another tune as she realized her little man was now a 1st grader.

When my boys were young out of school for summer break was some of the best times for me. I love being a mom and for me when they started school it was like a piece of me was missing and I couldn't wait till they got home. When school was out is when summer officially began for me. Sleeping late, watching TV, eating when we got hungry instead of on a schedule, staying up late just because we could, trips to the pool, playing in the sprinkler, chasing down the ice cream truck as it went through the neighborhood.

One of my favorite memories took place probably 6 years ago. The kids were maybe in middle school and Jr. high. It was late in the summer and in the south that means 110 degrees with a heat index of 120, humidity so high you cant even breath if you go outside, and not a rain cloud in site. But on this one day it was raining so we stayed in the house all day. I don't think any of us even got dressed that day. We found something on TV to watch, there was a TAPS marathon on so we huddled under blankets and watched the TAPS team look for ghosts all day. No fighting or arguing, and if you have kids 17 months apart you know how rare that is, just enjoying the day. That seems like such a long time ago, my baby faced little boys curled up on the couch with me enjoying a summer day...

Not alot has changed since then. The boys have continued to grow up, but I still look forward to summers with them, and we are still enjoying the same things. Sleeping in, late nights, swimming, and snow cones. OK so they don't have much time for mom any more but I'll take what I can get for as long as I can get it and I'll enjoy every second of it knowing it wont last forever because they are growing up and eventually(a long long....LONG time from now) will have families of their own. I only hope that when they do have families of their own they remember their childhood summers and try to have as much fun with their kids as they did when they were little.

But for now I'm going to enjoy them while I have them and cram as much summer fun in as I passably can.

Crazy Weather

I know for some of us living in the south we are not strangers to severe storms this time of year. I have lived in this area my entire life and I have never experienced weather like we have been having for the past 12-24 months.

 We have had snow in March, deadly tornadoes in December, and torrential rainfall that has caused flooding all through the south.

I personally have spent the past several days glued to any source of weather information I could find just to keep up with the locations of the storms and try to decide if they were going to effect my family. I am so very thankful that my family is safe, my parents had some damage a couple of nights ago from strong winds causing a trampoline to go flying but they slept right through it and were unaware of the damage until the next morning.

I see the devastation all over the news and my heart breaks for those people. Although I don't know what it feels like to go through a traumatic event like a tornado and having your home destroyed around you, I do know what it feels like to have lost everything you have because of mother nature and I know how hard it is to rebuild. At the time you are just thankful to be OK and to have your family with you and know that you are safe but when the dust settles and things return to a new normal you start to realize the little things that you have lost; pictures of your children growing up that can not be replaced, school art projects, baby blankets that were made by grandparents that have passed away. You play the "I used to have..." game or in our case "before the house flooded..."game.

The people effected by the recent flooding and tornadoes need our help right now to recover but please remember to keep them in your prayers when the clean up is done and the news crews have left because that is when they will need it the most.

Doomsday....The End of The World......Or Not...

Clearly Harold Whatshisface doesn't have a very good track record, hes 0/2.

What surprises and shocks me is that people not only believed him but gave him money to advertise this so called Rapture....Domesday...end of the world....what ever you want to call it.

It makes me wonder if the people who gave him money even believe in God because if they did wouldn't they have read the Bible and know that no one knows when this is going to happen? Did Harold Whatshisface make any money off of this scheme of his? Or did he honestly think that in his engineer's mind that he could come up with a mathematical equation to predict Armageddon?

I saw a news report that aired tonight that was obviously recorded a couple of days ago. The reporter asked Harold Whatshisface if he would come back to do an interview Sunday and he said "I cant come back and talk to you Sunday because I wont be here".

In a way I feel bad for the guy, I really....REALLY...hope someone can get him to do an interview tomorrow.

*Whatshisface because I can't remember his name and I'm too lazy to look it up right now.

Movie Date

The Cable Guy actually got 2 days off in a row this week, that in itself is a rarity, so we put it to good use.

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm not big on going to movie theaters to see a movie simply because it cost so much, BUT on occasion I will splurge for something like a good Twilight Saga movie. I'm all about a mushy romance movie or a good comedy. Never will you see me in at a horror movie E.V.E.R. I will however pay full price (and sometimes more than once) to see any move that has Vin Diesel in it.

The Cable Guy being an amazing husband took me to see The Fast Five the other night. I LOVE all of the Fast and Furious movies (well except for the second one, it sucked) and this one did not disappoint. I think its the adrenalin rush combined with this that is the draw for me. I mean come on this much sexy in one place should be illegal....shouldn't it?

picture provided by google images

Anyway thats what I have been up to. What about you?

SO THANKFUL

So many things came into place over the past few days it could only be God taking care of us.

Every spring/summer since we moved into this house sparrows have nested had raised babies in the eave of our porch, this year there are two nests but for the past few days we have noticed that some of the eggs had fallen out of one of the nests. I figured it was from the horrific weather we have been having. We live in Arkansas so if you have watched the news at all over the past several weeks you know what the weather has been like. Torrential downpours, severe storms, and flooding.

  

the front of the house

water coming off the hill and down the driveway

the driveway

If you have read any of my posts in the past couple of days you know that my children have been in the process on coming home for the summer from college. Monday Guitar man and I spent the day getting him and his stuff home from school. When we got home we did what we usually do when we are loading and unloading their stuff. We put the dogs outside so we could leave the front door open as we brought everything in, making countless trips back and forth from the car to the front door into the house.

Late Tuesday night/Wednesday morning Sax Man and Miss B decided to come home after Miss B got off work instead of waiting till later in the day. Needless to say I didn't know anything about it being told earlier in the day they wouldn't be home until sometime Wednesday so I didn't leave any lights on and locked the door. They don't have a key to the deadbolt so they had to call to wake me up and unlock the door in order to get in all the while standing in the dark at the front door.

The Cable Guy had to work late as usual Wednesday night so we were up late watching TV and just spending time together as a family. As we were getting ready for bed Sax Man decided he was going to set up his TV in his room but some of the cords had yet to be brought in and unpacked so he grabbed his keys, flipped the outside light on and went truckin' it out the door...or so he thought. For what ever reason he was looking down at the ground as he started out the door and RIGHT outside the door was a snake that lunged at him, close enough that it almost got in the house. As he jumped back and made an attempt to shut the door and took off screaming Miss B right on his heels....about this time I see what all of the commotion was as the door didn't get shut all the way I see the tail of the snake under the door and in the house, The Cable Guy yelling for someone to shut the door as hes trying to get his boots back on, I in what I'm sure would have been quite comical to anyone watching that wasn't experiencing it, in great hong kong fooey fashon kicked the door closed and proceeded to follow the kids earlier path screaming across the house and jumping on the couch! All of this happening in what seemed to be taking place in slow motion but really happening in just seconds.

The Sax Man ran to the garage while The Cable Guy was tying his boots and grabbed the shovel to hunt the offender down and take care of it properly...ya know...by chopping it up into unidentifiable pieces, which they did manage to do by the way.

In the aftermath as everyone was starting to calm down we realized that it was probably said offender who had gotten to the bird eggs which means it has been around the house for several days at least.

Only God could have orchestrated this so that no one got hurt. Keeping me and Guitar Man safe as we brought his stuff in and not letting anything in the house, keeping Sax Man and Miss B safe as they were standing in that exact spot less than 24 hours before, whatever prompted us to stay up late, and then send Sax Man outside at that very moment and warn him to look down before walking outside. We might never have known we were all in danger because it was poisonous we realized after the fact.

ONLY GOD! and again I am reminded how awesome he is, and so thankful for every blessing he bestows upon us.

SUMMER!

Well the summer has officially began...begun...whatever....here at the Mi Vida Loca and I could not be more happy!

All of my little ducklings are are home, at least for a couple of days; Miss B is going back to school for the summer until she transfers back here in the fall, Sax Man and Guitar Man are both home as well and I have to say my house is a flippin disaster right now but I don't even care. We will get it all put back together in due time. I'm just grateful for the time we will get to spend together.

Classes are out for me as well at least until the end of the month. I have decided to take a couple of classes this summer to help me stay on track since I had to cut back on hours. Official grades have not been posted yet but I'm not expecting any big surprises.

Looking forward to getting the pool fixed and spending some much needed time outside soaking up some vitamin D.

What are your plans for the summer? I would love to hear about them....leave me a comment and tell me all about them.

Osama bin Laden and my conflicted emotions

I was hesitant to even say anything about the death of Osama bin Laden but I feel the need to put pen to paper words to blog(?).

I'm having a lot of conflicting emotions about the whole situation and the more information that comes out in the news the more aggravated...frustrated....conflicted I become.

I realize for some this may bring some kind of closure but it wont bring back their loved ones that were wrongfully taken away from them and it wont take away that pain and loss. At the same time bin Laden was an evil man but but he was still a man; a man with a wife and family. Was it necessary for them to kill him in front of his family? I heard a report that his wife was also shot but not killed. Was it necessary to bury him at sea? I understand they, whoever "they" are, don't want to make it possible for a shrine to be built to him but was there no other way?

There has been little on the news about anything other than this topic for days. This in itself has me worried, are we so naive to think that there wont be some type of retaliation?

 And what effect does this have on those that did lose loved ones on 9/11 having to relive those memories and emotions and see the pictures all over again?

Everyone is all up in arms chanting U.S.A.  U.S.A. but a life has been lost and whether he was evil or not...

Will the soldier who took that life forever be seen as a hero or a villain and how will that effect him and his family?


Remember, Beloved, God has no pleasure in the death of the wicked...   Ezekiel 18:23


‎"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
--Martin Luther King, Jr

Spring Break...

...has officially started. Although I guess you can technically say it started for me last Monday; I did have to go to school on Wednesday but not for classes. Our criminal justice symposium was Wednesday, I as so excited about it and it ended up being a big flop at least in my opinion...but what do I know right?!

Guitar Man is home for spring break as well, and lemme tell ya it makes this momma so happy to have at least one of her boys home for the week. Sax Man had to stay at school because of a new job he just started. I love that hes being so responsible but I sure do miss him.

Of course one of the first things Guitar man did when he got home was go to the music store. He doesn't ever buy anything but likes to go in and spend hours trying out different guitars.

The Cable Guy actually got two days off in a row so we got to spend some time together as well. Today we did one of my favorite things....OK besides shopping....but technically it is shopping. We spent the afternoon going to pawn shops. We didn't buy anything this trip but enjoyed just getting to hang out. It sure does wear me out though. Guitar Man made a comment today about how slow I was walking and how different it was from a few years ago when he could hardly keep up because I would walk so fast. Had to explain to him theres alot of things I cant do anymore that I used to be able to do. Its hard for him to understand, and its hard for me to explain it to him.

My spring break to do list seems to be getting longer instead of shorter but I guess that's how it goes...mark one off and add two more! HA! (oh wait I just remembered something else to add).

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patricks Day!


St. Patricks day is special to me for several reasons, but the most important reason is because its our (mine and The Cable Guy) 8th wedding anniversary.

I haven't been feel very well the past couple days, The Cable Guy brought me lunch and roses this afternoon!

I love you, happy anniversary.

National Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Week / Education Month

Since its Nation MS Awareness Week /MS Education Month I thought appropriate to say something about it.

I'm sure you are all aware that I was diagnosed with MS back in July (2010). That was my first diagnosed flair up. I have been having flairs since my early/mid 20's and like alot of people didn't realise it. Unfortunately since that last flair up I haven't had alot of improvement and continue to have declining and ever changing issues, some of which I didn't even realize were considered MS symptoms.

Since I didn't know these things were symptoms of MS I'm sure there are others out there that are as clueless as me so I thought I would share some of the things that your neurologist doesn't always tell you. Or what I call my list of TMI.

The bouts of nausea that show up without warning

The inability to go more than an hour without having to pee ( let me tell ya this will quickly determine what you wear for the day, if your hands are not working well you dang sure don't want to wear something with lots of buttons!)

The constipation/diarrhea (you either cant stop going or you cant go at all. Either way you have to plan your day around where the bathroom is)

The itching (its caused by nerves dying or going through the demylination process. Either way it will make you nuts!)

The changes in your menstrual cycle


And all of that on top off all the things they DO tell you to expect.


I'm SO OVER MS!

I feel like crap most days and I'm so over it. People ask me how I'm doing or how I'm feeling and 9 out of 10 times I give my usual answer " I'm OK" or "I'm good" when in reality I'm wishing I could just go home and crawl into bed. If I told everyone how I was really feeling every time they asked they would get tired of listening to me whine and complain.

I'm SO OVER MS!

I'm tired of living my life around my medication schedule, my need to rest after a simple trip to walmart, tired of looking like a black and blue crash dummy from losing my balance and running into stuff and having bruises from my injections every day.

I'm so over MS!

If you know someone that has MS and they tell you they are OK, take a minute and really look at them. Just because they say they are OK chances are they aren't and could really use a kind word, or a hug.

If you have MS, I'm sorry. {{Hugs}} to you. This is a horrible disease that has taken so much from the people that have it.

SO OVER MS!

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Days!

 The Cable Guy came home last night bearing gifts. Hes such a thoughtful, caring husband that works hard to take care of me and the kids. I love you so much and I'm so thankful to have you in my life.

I hope you all have a great day, but try to remember that today isn't always a happy day for everyone. Show some love to those who may not have anyone to celebrate with for whatever reason.



Its all about LOVE, whether its romantic love for your spouse, love for your kids, or love for your friends, reach out to someone and let them know you care.

I Have A Confession To Make

I'm addicted..


To True Blood


No...its true, I am and I freely admit it.


Not only am I addicted to True Blood, I'm addicted to the entire Sookie Stackhouse book series.


My addiction started all because of a former classmate. We had been talking about the then upcoming release of New Moon and she casually made the suggestion that if I liked the Twilight series I should also read the Sookie Stackhouse series. Well OK it was the end of the semester, a very long semester, and I was in the beginning stages of what turned out to be my first known MS flair up. So, I didn't really give it much thought, I wrote the name of the book down and even went to the point of buying the first book in the series, but I put the book up and never started it. A few months went by and as my flair up became full blown and I spent more and more time feeling like a Mac truck ran over me I pulled that first book out and started reading.


After about the first 5 pages I was HOOKED! I read non-stop, I mean what else did I have to do...really? As the summer went on and I started feeling better I kept reading, I couldn't put it down. I was so addicted I was buying the next book in the series online to read on my Kindle AP on my Ipad as soon as I finished the last page of the other.


I did take a break at the end of the summer, it just so happened that our big family vacation took place as I was finishing a book so I forced myself to hold out on starting a new book until we got back. Let me just tell you it was NOT easy.




I knew when we got back home the Cable Guy would be leaving to work out of town, and both boys would be leaving for school so I used the books to keep myself busy while they were gone. And believe me I DID!


I read all the time, OK not all the time because I had also just started the fall semester but when I wasn't at school or doing homework I was reading.


And then it happened.

It was horrible

I was so sad, and unexpected.

I came to the end of the last book and when I went to buy the next book....to my shock and dismay...there wasn't one!!!

I was so sad, what would I do?

Well after falling apart doing a little digging I soon found out about True Blood. I know what your thinking you don't even have to say it.  How couldn't I not know about True Blood? Well you see I didn't, and still don't, have HBO so it never crossed my mind that there would be a show.

So like any self respecting addict I started poking around on the google machine Swagbucks looking for a way to watch it online, you know because there's so many sites that you can watch TV shows online and all. Well I came up empty handed then it hit me, we have Netflix I'll try there. Well it was there alright but they didn't offer it as a watch it now series. So I had to wait. I put them all in my Que and waited for my first one to arrive in my mailbox. And then it happened, I was so excited; I opened my mailbox and there in its pretty red wrapper was my first True Blood DVD. I went straight into the house to watch it homework be damned! I opened up the little red wrapper only to be disappointed...you see there were only 2 episodes on it. Well I pulled up my big girl panties and delt with it determined I was going to enjoy my 2 episodes of True Blood come hell or high water.

Then it happened, the first episode started and I was having nightmares of the Twilight disaster, you know the one I'm talking about. The book was great, but the movie seriously SUCKED. Anyway I kept watching and if you know me you know I was tearing that first episode apart because it was NOTHING like the book. Well I was determined that it had to get better so I was going to keep watching, and I'm SO glad I did. I came to separate the books from the show and enjoy it as much as the books only it was torturous waiting from the time I sent my DVD, with only 2 episodes on it, back until the next one arrived.

Now some months later, yes life happens and I got sidetracked, the spring semester has started but as many snow days as we have had you would think it was the fall semester instead. This past week with only 1 day of classes all week I was going freaking stir crazy feeling a little claustrophobic being in the house for so long I thought I would take a chance and look on the google machine Swagbucks and see if I could find somewhere to watch my beloved Eric Northman. And low and behold I did it! I found them...yes them...I have stooped to watching them on whatever format I can find them because yes, I am addicted and I don't even care!

So our great weather man is calling for snow again Tuesday and Wednesday and ya know what? I don't even care because then I can watch True Blood till my little heart is content!

On a side note I got my usual email ad from BAM* a couple days, you know the ones you get when you sign up for the membership thing to get discounts, the ones I almost never open. Well I opened one and guess what...No really...guess....OK OK I'll tell ya.....the new Sookie Stackhouse book is coming out in MAY!!! Just in time for summer break...


*Books a Million

So...It Turns Out

...That I might possibly be am a bit judgmental...and I don't like it one little bit. Do you know why? Of course you don't know why because I haven't told you yet but I'll get to that in a second.


   I'm typically what some would call an over achiever when it comes to my school work, OK who am I kidding I have been called an over achiever by several of my classmates. But can you blame me? I pay a lot of money to take these classes and I feel if I'm not going to do my best then why do it ya know,and maybe its because I want to prove to my kids that I'm not dumb as a box of rocks! 




   So I'm typically the one sitting in class with all my homework done,  3 page paper written and typed when it only had to be 1 page (that really did happen, it was due today), notes printed off and ready to work. I'm also the one who looks around the class and wonders what in the heck these kids could passably be doing that was so important that they couldn't take a few minutes before class and stop by a mirror and pick up a brush...and use it. Or bother to change into something other than the clothes that they wore out last night. I sit there in my own little world and these are the things that I think about. Do their mommas know they are dressing this way? Do their daddy's know their little princess is cussin' like a sailor?


   But I digress...I'm taking a social psych class this semester. I knew when I signed up for the class that its an upper level class, to which I am not yet a member of...upper level that is. I talked to my advisers about the class, even to the dean of the department to get approval. I was told it was not problem I wouldn't have any trouble keeping up " you have good grades" they said. Well this is true I do work hard for my grades so I wasn't , and I'm still not, worried that I wouldn't be successful in the class.


   What I wasn't prepared for going into this class was the feeling of being "left out" so to speak.  Now usually it takes me a while to warm up to new people, it always has, so that was no surprise, but it really puts things in perspective when you look around the room for someone to do a group project with and almost everyone has already picked their groups because they are all "upper classmen" and have known each other for several years and have had other classes together. OK so I can deal with that I don't know these people and they don't know me so I cant expect them to know about my over acheiverness (is that a word?) so I start looking around for a group to join and the only ones left are...well...the kids that shoulda looked in the mirror before walkin out of their dorm rooms and the kids that are only taking the class because they needed to fill up an hour a day with an upper level class. Well about this time I'm realizing I'm screwed and it dawned on me that I was judging them based on their appearance without knowing anything about them just like I had been judged 2 minutes before because I'm just a sophomore.


   Don't ya love it when God points somethin out to ya by just slappin ya in the face with it!

It's Been A Long Crazy Week

   Hell who am I kidding? The last couple of weeks have been long, I guess you could tell since I haven't been posting much huh?


   The beginning of the semester is always hard but it seems like this one was particularly hard for some reason.


   I have been under alot of stress and I think that has had alot to do with it...you know the whole stress and MS not mixing thing...but then add in the usual stress from school and it kinda pushed me over the edge a little.


   I ended up dropping my algebra class after the old geezer my professor proved he couldn't teach. Granted I'm a little spoiled when it comes to math teachers so I gave him a chance, I think two wasted weeks is enough don't you(?), but when I spent an hour listening to him tell us how to "guess" at the right numbers on a graph I knew I had to get out! I mean really, you want me to GUESS on the answers? Might be fine in your class but I don't think guessing on the final is going to cut it! So I took a 50% loss on the class and signed up for an 8 week class starting in March.


   Both the boys are back at school and I'm starting to get used to the quiet again and settle into a routine. Its always so hard when they leave, the silence is deafening sometimes. You wouldn't think two kids that hardly ever come out of their rooms would make that much noise but you sure do notice it when they aren't there.


   Remember I told you all about my step-son coming for Christmas...well we havnt really heard anything from him since. The Cable Guy and I both kind of feel he was just going back to his games. Only wanting contact when he wanted something. He got his presents and as soon as Christmas was 0ver he was ready to go home. The only time hes made any contact since has been to ask for money or for his dad to buy him something...Guess he really hasnt changed that much after all. Very disapointing for him and for his dad.


   Hoping for a new start and less stress next week....

I Hate When Things Don't Work Out As Planned

I'm sitting here on my butt when I should be at the very least doing homework but instead I'm contemplating even staying in school.

I got a phone call a while ago, a call I knew was coming, even expecting to confirm my appointment with Dr. G (my neurologist).

An appointment I was very much looking forward to, I know how weird does that sound, right? But I have been having alot of pain that I wanted to talk with him about and some other questions I needed to get answered. I fully expect every morning when I wake up to be in the midst of an MS crisis because the pain in my neck has been so bad for the past few weeks.

 I get the call and this little voice on the line informs me that because I don't have any insurance I have to pay $100.00 up front for the visit. Well that wasn't a surprise its always been that way. I have been saving that $100.00 since Christmas so I would be able to see Dr.G. BUT then this little mouse of a voice proceeds to tell me that I have to also make a payment towards my account or they wont see me. Well me not really expecting this just said OK and hung up the phone. Then it hit me...I cant come up with any money on the fly like that, its taken me weeks to save the money that I knew I was going to need.

So now as I sat there contemplating this turn of events crying hysterically thinking calmly I realize that now I have to call the doctors office back and cancel this appointment. Have you ever had to call and cancel a doctors appointment? They always want to play 20 questions, why are you canceling, do you want to reschedule?

It always tears me up to tell them no I cant reschedule because I cant afford it. I can just see them making so big red X on my file so that way everyone will know when they look up my name.

Its pretty sad that we live in one of, if not the best, medically advanced countries in the world but it cost so much for medical care millions of people are doing without care because we cant afford it.

Why finish my degree when the people that would most need my help will never get it because they cant afford it? I cant even help myself how am I going to help them?

Are You Over the Hill?

I got this emailed to me the other day...Are you over the hill?








I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!








There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!





Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!



There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!





Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?





We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!



There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.



And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!





We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!



You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!



There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!



And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!





And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!



And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!



See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

So...

I'm just...


So tired.


The first day of spring classes and I'm already exausted, or maybe because its the first day and I'm out of practice. After one day in class with my algebra teacher I'm already having flashbacks of the most horendous teacher I have ever had.


So sad.


Both the boys are safely back at school. Its not like they interacted much when they were home, after all they are teenage boys, but its so quiet in the house with them not here.


So cold.


We are having some really weird weather here. Temps in the teens for highs today, keep in mind I live in Arkansas. We are not prepared!

Kinda Bummed

 I was really hopping for more snow or somethin.


Still might get it, its been sleeting and theres been some freezing drizzle for a couple hours.


I'm kinda bummed watching Guitar man going through his totes, getting all of his stuff ready to leave for school.


Sax Man fixed supper tonight so I didn't have to, and hes been getting his laundry washed and ready to go as well.


Its been nice having them both home for so long. It will be like starting all over when they go back to school. The empty nest all over again, only this time I know how bad its gonna suck instead of just anticipating it.


I know it will only last a few days then it will be back to the same ol same ol. School, homework, blah, blah, blah.


I'm trying to think of it in terms of "I had a great time with them while they were home" instead of "damn I'm gonna miss them". Kinda the glass half full instead of half empty....


Either way I'm kinda bummed.


This was supposed to post last night but our Internet went out....again. As it turns out there wasn't enough snow fall last night to close school and the roads seem pretty clear so it looks like the boys will both be going back to school sometime today.

Hi Ho Hi Ho.... UPDATE!

   ...its off to school I go. 


    In the spring of 2009 I was faced with the reality of my baby, my first born, graduating high school and going away to college. Guitar Man would be right behind him a year later. My babies weren't babies any more so there wasn't much need for a SAHM when theres no one there that needs mothering.


   I had talked about going to college for several years but never seriously. It was a few weeks, maybe a month before Sax Man was to leave for school and I hadn't been feeling very well. One morning I woke up The Cable Guy for work as usual, but the day was anything but usual. My neck was killing me but by this time that wasn't a surprise. Then I noticed I was slurring my words, and couldn't say or think of some words. I thought I was having a stroke. I was scared to death. This as it turns out was the first of two major MS flair up in less than a year. Only at the time we didn't know what it was, it didn't have a name. I didn't even realize at the time that this "speech thing" had a name. Aphasia, that's what its called. All I knew is I was scared. After a few days it started getting better so I just blew it off as a nasty crick in my neck but it made me realize I needed to make some decisions about my life.


   I went to UAFS without telling anyone and took the test to enroll in college, and before I could talk myself out of it, enrolled in my first semester of classes.


   Fast forward to now and I'm sitting here procrastinating getting my backpack ready for my first day of the spring semester. My enthusiasm and excitement has waned a little but I'm still determined to go as long as I can.


   So Hi Ho Hi Ho Its off to school I go....or maybe not......ITS SNOWING!

No school tomorrow because of the snow! So Hi Ho Hi Ho its off to school I go...Wednesday HA!

Making Progress

I cant say I got alot done today, you might have seen the list of things I have yet to accomplish on my break.


I did make a dent in said list, a very small dent....OK maybe more like a scratch.


I went and stood in line at the campus book store for 20 min just to follow a pimply faced kid nice young man around shelf after shelf of over priced books, that probably will never even be opened by their future owners. After going through my list of classes and retrieving the required books that he promptly dumped in my hands he proceeded to tell me how lucky I was that I got some of my books used.


OK don't get to excited because this is what it cost to get some of my books used!

OK that's a horrible picture so I'll translate for you $658.84 for four used books. Used books that I'm not sure will even get used! On the upside I may be able to take my algebra book back for a full refund if my professor decides we will be using the online version instead. BUT...theres always a but...I'm still wait listed from one of my classes so if I get into that one...yup you guessed it,gotta buy another book!



My ADA letters for my teachers picked up, a quick trip to the library for an application to a new program starting at school, realized I needed proof of my ADA services so went back to the ADA office to get the form then off to the Rehab office to drop off paper work so they will pay for my spring classes only to be told I didn't have all the papers I needed, thankfully she let me use her computer to print them out so I didn't have to make another trip.

 My quick trip into town turned into an all day event and made it home with even more work for myself in the way of a scholarship application, and an application for the new SSS program starting this spring.

You know what they say....We make plans and God laughs!

I did get some good news though, my Copaxone for the next three months is being delivered next week.

Time Is Running Out...

...I go back to school next week and I don't feel like I have accomplished anything I had planned on doing. Well except vegging out on the couch resting and trying to recover for the coming semester but even that wasn't a success because my neck is still hurting. In fact at times I feel like one of those bobble head toys that cant hold their heads up.


My bedroom is still a disaster area and should have a condemned sticker on the door, my books haven't been bought for school, heck I don't think I even cleaned out my backpack from last semester. The receipts haven't been added up for taxes, transfer papers haven't been sent in, OK they haven't even been printed out yet. Scholarship applications haven't been signed, rehab papers haven't been delivered so not all of my funding is complete for this semester, but hey I did give the dogs a bath!  That's progress right? I heard on the news a while ago theres a chance for snow this weekend, and here in Arkansas when we get snow everything shuts down....come on snow!



image provided by google images


Its been great having the boys home from school, not that I see them much, but I will miss them when they go back...or maybe not....no, no  I definitely will. I just had a flash of how quiet it was in the first weeks of the fall semester...eweeee.


Oh well theres always tomorrow...

I Got A Phone Call Today...

...from Walgreen's specialty pharmacy that's in charge for shipping my Copaxone, thanks to NORD. Naturally I got all excited thinking they were going to schedule my next shipment of liquid gold. I only have about 10 days left so I was starting to stress about it. Well turns out I got excited for no reason and as it turns out I have every reason to stress.


My current prescription is expired and the pharmacy has been trying to contact my neurologist for a couple of weeks and hasn't gotten anywhere. I called the office to see what was going on, I mean come on all they have to do is send a fax takes 60 seconds tops. So I call and talk to Dr.G's nurse as always, come to find out shes been out since October and doesn't have a clue whats going on. She did promise to do some research and let me know whats going on, meanwhile its almost 4:00pm and I'm still waiting.

Updates!

I figured since I'm doing updates to  my blog it was time to do an update on my blog!


Its been a busy few weeks. Finals are over, finally, which brought with it Christmas break and time at home to be lazy and veg on the couch, rest and relax. The boys are home as well which is always great. I love spending time with them when they are home but it will be hard when they have to go back to school.

Christmas was great even though I was dealing with a bad case of the bah humbugs there for a while. My step-son has been here for about a week but will be going back home in a couple of days. Its been nice having him here, if for no other reason than to see the Cable Guy so happy and relaxed. I forgot how hard it is having a 13 yr old in the house. They are always bored but I have to say he's been pretty well behaved compared to previous visits which I am thankful for. We spent Christmas day at my parents house, my brother and his family were there for a while and it always fun hanging out with little D. Normally its stressful for me trying to control referee all the arguments but it was surprisingly uneventful.


Guitar Man with his usual "put the camera down already" look






Sax Man takin pictures of his grandpa takin pictures



All 3 boys



The whole family together on Christmas day 2010