Monday, December 20, 2010

Bah Humbug!

   That's how I'm feeling this holiday season.

    I normally love Christmas, its my favorite holiday.

   But this year...I'm just not feelin it.

   The kids are both home from school, and finals are over for all three of us. I should be happy...but I'm not...well I cant say not happy...I'm just not anything... I'm not feeling much of anything. When I do its definitely anything but happy. It resembles more like sadness, anger, depression, even resentfulness (is that a word).

   I know it has to do with stress, and what the stress can and does trigger with my MS. I have been told repeatedly that depression was something I WOULD deal with at some point with my illness but I always figured not me, I'd be OK. WRONG!

   The stress isn't going away any time soon. Money has been tight for months since my husband and I made the decision for him to change jobs again, the second time in six months, so he could be hone with me because I was having such a hard time managing every day life and school and my MS with him and the kids gone. It was just too over whelming, but in doing this he took a huge pay cut and believe me we are now feeling it. Now out of the blue my step-son has decided he wants to come for Christmas, don't get me wrong I'm happy to see him if for no other reason than it makes DH happy, but why now after refusing to see us for over three years. So now I have to find the money to make not one but two trips out of town to pick him up and take him back. Christmas gifts that were already going to be few are now even fewer. I have already returned most of them once because I needed the money to pay bills. Then yesterday when DH started buggin about when he could get me something for Christmas I had to tell him he couldn't, there wasn't any money.


   Its not the first time money has been tight, normally it doesn't bother me. I get gifts for the kids, gifts for my family, and always do gifts for the angel tree at our church.

   The tree has been up for weeks, but we just decorated it a few days ago. Granted I was waiting for the boys to get home from school to decorate it but I've only had the lights on the first night.


   Normally I would have several batches of candy and cookies made....not this year...I did one yesterday and that's as far as I got.



   I know its my  MS, I'm just so over it.

I want my holiday spirit back
        BAH HUMBUG




Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanksgiving...and Shopping Part 2

...My love affair with Black Friday  started a few years ago.

   At the time we lived in the sticks, it was a 45 minute drive into town. Come This particular Thanksgiving morning we got the boys up, who were pre-teen at the time, got ready and headed into town to my Grandmothers house where we always spent the day until she passed away. (The woman could cook! I miss you Granny). She always had the news paper sitting out and the boys were amusing themselves by looking through the ads and letting anyone that would listen know what they wanted for Christmas. I was thinking "you have got to be kidding, what do I look like a bank"?

   Well when I finally got to look at the ads I figured as much as everything was discounted I could get some of the stuff on their never ending list. So later that night I sat with my list and ads in hand plotting what was to become my first game plan.

   I had to get up way too early, which turned out to not be early enough, and drive the 45 minutes into town. I fought the crowds for most of the day and got most of what was on my list. I was wore out when I finally got home later that afternoon...wore out but hooked.

   Fast forward 7 years and I'm still hooked.

   Alot has changed in that time. The process has changed over the years, it now starts weeks in advance with the web sites and now iPhone aps that warn when they get wind of new ads from different stores being "leaked", but you never really know whats going to be in the final ad until you get up Thanksgiving morning and open that long awaited news paper and get your hands on that stack of ads.

   For me that process is always the same. Drink my morning coffee and look casually through the stack of ads to get an idea whats in them. Spend the day with my family and as everyone is winding down for the day I drag my stack of ads back out and start working on the game plan.

   When the plan is comes together its off to bed early so I can get a few hours of sleep before the fun begins!

   This year was no different than any other. I was up at 3:30 (we live in town now so I don't have to get up as early). Unfortunately it had been raining all day on Thanksgiving and the temperature had drastically fallen over night. I headed out the door loaded down with my coffee, bottle of juice, game plan, and stack of ads only to find out that I couldn't get into the car. The doors were frozen shut!

   Well that was a monkey wrench in my plan right off the bat. It took me 30 minutes just to get IN  the car! After not so patiently patiently waiting for the windows to defrost I headed to my first stop and the race was on.

   I knew this year was going to be harder than any of the previous years. Its always tiring but add in my MS symptoms and the exhaustion is almost overwhelming. I was determined I wasn't going to let this horrible disease take this from me too. It took longer than usual, and I clearly didn't make as much progress as in earlier years but I did it! I got just about everything on my list and then rushed home for a much needed and well deserved nap! I didn't even unload the car first! HA!

   Black Friday is officially over and my body is sore. I'm recovering at home this morning wondering what cyber Monday has in store for us.

   I usually don't get involved in cyber Monday but I have to tell you I was sadly disappointed with the black Friday ads this year. Yes there were alot of big ticket items this year that were great deals, but for those of us that were actually shopping for Christmas presents and not personal presents it was kind of a let down. So I'm still on the look out for that special gift for several people on my list...

   SO....I'll hang up my running shoes moo moo boots and clip board for another year, and look forward to another black Friday, God willing...

   On a side note I have to say how proud of my youngest son I am, who I have taught well. He got to enjoy his first black Friday shopping event with his friends this year. He stood in line with his friends, in the freezing cold, for 4 hours outside of Best Buy so he could get video games that were going to be on sale. For those of you that don't know, for an 18 year old gammer that's a big deal! He too left with a game plan and although he didn't spend hours shopping, came home and fell into bed. When he woke up after a few hours he was so sore from standing in the freezing cold for 4 hours he didn't feel like doing anything except playing those very games!


Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving...and Shopping Part 1

  ...A wonderful combination.

   My Thanksgiving started out just as it has for the past few years with the exception this year I didn't have to run all over the country town in the pouring rain looking for a news paper thanks to a friend from school who happens to deliver papers. (Thank you)

   I enjoyed my first cup of coffee snuggled up nice and warm (and dry) on the couch making my way, for the first of many times, through the sale ads while the boys, who are both home from school slept snuggled in their beds, the cable guy watched old car shows on TV, and the dogs jockeyed for position on the couch.

   We went to my parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. Enjoyed, for the most part, spending time with my family. It always amazes me how so many people from the same family can be so different. That being said I am thankful I have a family to spend Thanksgiving with. There are so many people in the world that are alone in the world, and don't have family they can rely on and depend on. And for that I am thankful.

   After spending what seemed like an eternity hours cleaning up the kitchen and washing piles of dishes that seemed to never end(which in itself is weird since we ate on plastic!) we came home to settle in for another one of the best things about Thanksgiving dinner....that's right the post dinner NAP!

   I started working on my game plan for the big day other wise known as Black Friday...



Friday, November 19, 2010

It's Almost Here!

The day, well one of the days,I look forward to all year long.

No it's not my birthday

It's not the last day of the semester (which by the way cant get here soon enough)

It's not the first day of spring break

It's not even Christmas,YET.

It's almost BLACK FRIDAY!!

Anyone that knows me knows I love to shop but even more than that I love to get a good deal when I shop. There's somethin about gettin the ads Thanksgiving morning and plotting my route. Making my list and checking it twice! Getting up before the chickens and making my way to my first stop long before the sun comes up.

Last year I signed up to get email alerts about all the sale ads before they were posted so this year I kind of have an idea of whats coming on the *big day. I thought this was the most amazing thing, this year they went even bigger. They are sending tweets about big sales going on prior to black Friday. AND if that's not good enough....

There's an actual black Friday AP!

*Ad day (Thanksgiving)

Yes this year will be a little more alot more difficult because of my non-stop and ever changing MS symptoms but I'm determined to not let it slow me down...much.

The boys have been pre warned I need a list by Thanksgiving or you get socks and underwear for Christmas which means more money for me to spend on myself!

Its almost as exciting for me as Christmas day....almost...

Happy Shopping!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Just A Quick Update

   I just wanted to do a quick update.

   My mom was admitted to the hospital Friday night after spending most of the day in the ER. Lucky for her the trip to the ER was a quick one seeing she works in the hospital.

   The ER docs thought she was having a heart attack and once she was stabilized and they started testing they found that it wasn't a heart attack...yet. Her blood pressure was dangerously high and her heart rate dangerously low.

   She is having a cardiac catheterization sometime today, we have been told that all of the testing will take two days to complete and then the cardiologist would know where to go from there.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I'm So Ready...

...For a break!

   I need for this semester to be over, not because I'm like every other college student in America, but because I'm Tired.

   My body is tired, my brain is in a fog, and I have been sick for almost a month. I need a break.

   I HATE  MS!

   I hate what its doing to my body. I hate what its doing to my mind. I hate how its effecting not only me but the rest of my family. Alot of my previous symptoms are starting to show up again. The headache, the burning in my neck, the tightness in my shoulders and neck. I'm just waiting to wake up one morning and realize I'm numb again. Or worse.

   BUT the reality is I'm not getting a break any time soon. I still have to make it till December and get through finals with no major disasters.

   Pray I can hold on that long...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Election Crazed

   Well its that time of year again.

    The temperature is dropping, the leaves are dying changing color, and the freaking political signs are everywhere. Hopefully after today they will all disappear as quickly as they appeared. (with the exception of one local candidate who's signs were already taken down but more on that later)

   Do you get involved in politics (local or nationally)? Do you keep up with whats going on in the world as far as politics goes? Are you republican,democrat, conservative, liberal....or do you just not care?

   I have to be honest, until recently I would have said I just don't care. But theres alot of things that have happened to change my opinion about politics entirely.

   I think too much emphasis is put on voting for this person or that person just because of the party they represent. People don't take the time to do the research about the candidates running for office they just assume that because that person is a member of X party they must be the one to vote for. Its not like it takes a long time to do. If you can spend 2 hours on facebook a day you surly could spend 30 minutes googling the candidates and reading their platforms. I mean the computer is already on for goodness sake!

   I live in a predominately republican town. (yes I said that as if it were something nasty and distasteful if you were wondering) Most of the population of this town would be considered either upper middle class or upper class but there are a few of us here that are just middle class folks trying to make a living and fighting for whats right. I do love it here. It has the small town feel but is large enough to have a Wal-mart! HA There are times though, like election time, when I wish I lived anywhere but here.

   I get so tired of hearing about how the world is going to fall apart because we have a democratic president, or how the Democrats are trying are trying to take away their rights (and by their rights I'm talking about the affluent peoples rights). I just want to scream! I want to pull my hair out and yell at these people to turn the channel on the TV to something other than Fox news for a few min and get another view of the situation.

  People complain about the new insurance question to them is...have you read it? I mean really read it or are you just going off what you heard on the nightly news, because we all know how reliable the news can be. They would never skew the view one direction or the other and would never let their personal opinions get involved.(If you believe that I have some ocean front property for sale.) Granted its not all great but their are parts of it that are. The way I look at it is if I were buying a car and its the first year of the new design the manufacturer possibly hasn't worked out all the kinks and bugs yet, but once the cars on the road and up and running the kinks show themselves so they can be worked out. I don't think this insurance bill is getting a fare shake here but that doesn't mean I totally agree with it either....

   What would this country be like if we actually took into consideration what was good for everyone instead of whats best for ME.  Start asking how we can help everyone do better instead of worrying about how I can keep my money,my power my control...

   I get angry and frustrated about elections because anymore it has turned into a popularity contest instead of who the people think is capable of doing the best job.

   To all the people who say the world is going to fall apart because we have a democratic president or for those saying oh no what are we going to do if the republicans take over congress....

     This economic mess was started long before Obama took office and you cant dig out of a hole this big over night. It took years to make the hole its not going to miraculously fix itself overnight just because someone different moves into the big house on the hill.

    Take a few minuets out of your day and do a little research before you make a decision based on party lines.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Summer Vacation

   Thought I would share some pictures from our *family vacation to Branson Mo. this summer. We had a great time, well most of us had a great time, poor Ryan was just a little over a month out from major shoulder surgery so he didn't have as much fun as some of the others.

   *The entire family. My parents, brother,sister-in-law, and nephew, my husband,myself, and my 2 boys

Josh havin fun on the go carts

Chris on the go carts

Darin (my little brother)
My Dad

Little Daniel

The sharks were crazy

It was scary watching them swim at us

Little D playin video games at the aquarium FREE

One of the few times Ryan smiled all week hangin with his G-momma (AKA my mom)

My little bro gettin his butt kicked at a video game

Bumper boats was SO much fun because it was SO hot that day

He looks so sad, I'm sorry Rynie

All in all we had a great time. We went to a couple of shows and spent some time shopping. Lots of eating but what  can you expect with 2 teenage boys! We road the ducks and enjoyed just hanging out and spending time together before Josh and Ryan left for school the next weekend and Chris left town for work.

I love you all!

Treasure every second you can with your family.

Friday, October 29, 2010


   I can honestly say I don't think I have ever been so pissed off  aggravated,upset, disappointed (insert adjective here)!!!!

   If you have been keeping up with my blog you know since my diagnosis I have been fighting to get some kind of medical assistance. After lost paper work, wasted time on appointments, and months of waiting for a medical review board to meet to decide if I'm "disabled" enough to qualify for medicaid I finally got the letter in the mail I have been waiting for.

   Only it wasn't the news I was expecting. It was a big fat DENIED. Oh they were at least nice enough to acknowledge that after reviewing my medical records that I do indeed have MS, and that they understand I "may not be able to do the same work I had done in the past" I was still physically able to do "some type of work" therefore I don't meet the criteria of being disabled.

   So you tell me at what point in my day I am supposed to get said job that will pay enough to cover the cost of my medical care and my meds?

   I'm already taking the max dose of Amanadine which is supposed to help me not be so exhausted.That lasts all of about 4 hours then I HAVE to have a nap or I cant function. By cant function I don't mean "ya know a nap would be good about now" I mean I cant make a decision, I cant concentrate, I don't drive well because my reflexes are slowed, walking becomes even more difficult not only from the dizziness, but from the loss of balance and coordination and in extreme cases I have even been out somewhere and wondered how I got home because I don't remember it.

   My hands shake all the time, I have muscle spasms that cause me to drop stuff, numbness, trouble with balance, and that's all in the "good" part of the day. Not to mention my immune system that is now shot since starting my injection. I have had 2 cold/sinus infections in less than a month, and a tiny scratch, so tiny in fact, I didn't even know it was there until it got infected!

   (Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the injections. I was warned before hand that a very real possibility would be that my immune system would be effected. That's really the whole idea to keep my immune system from attacking my nerves but the draw back is it also makes me susceptible to every infection on Gods green earth.)

   So friends...You tell me what employer is going to hire someone with my non-disability when they could hire someone without all the drama, and if I did manage to find this seemingly perfect employer what are the chances of it paying enough to A) cover insurance (keeping in mind I have a pre-existing condition so the already sky high premiums that I already cant afford will be even higher) and B) Making enough money to cover co-pays and deductibles C) me being physically able to safely work enough hours to keep a job without hurting myself or someone else?

   I realize I'm not the only person even diagnosed with Ms and that some people with MS continue to lead seemingly normal lives. Unfortunately even before my diagnosis I was having trouble dealing with day to day life I just didn't have a name for what was going on, and my symptoms continue to deteriorate instead of stabilizing.

   So I would just like to say thanks. Thanks to this so called review board, that has neither talked to me or seen me in person, for making a decision that effects my life so drastically by reading about me in a couple of medical files that are several months old.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Happily Hanging Out With Family


   I was in class yesterday and one of the other adult students in the class, one who...(whom?) I had seen out over the weekend, made the comment that I looked so happy when she saw me. That comment in itself was enough to make me smile.

   I was happy....

   This is why...

My whole family...

Plus one...

Was home all weekend.

And this is what we were doing.
Well not all we were doing. There was alot of eating and ALOT of laundry.

   This is the first time since Aug. that my boys and my husband have all been home at the same time. With both the boys in college with busy schedules, and DH working out of town it was great to have the family together again, even if it was just for the weekend.

    Have a Haunted Halloween!


Monday, October 25, 2010

Random Ramblings About Reality

   Its been a while since I posted so I'll try to catch you up with whats been going on. As usual the past couple weeks have been crazy.

   Last Monday I found out that NORD had finally approved my Copaxone injections and it was going to be delivered on Wednesday. Thank you NORD and Shared Solutions. It only took three months to get approval but hopefully it will be worth the wait! There is now a three month supply of $12,000 liquid gold sitting in my fridge!! It was easy to get excited about finally getting my meds until the reality of actually starting my injections kicked in on Monday when the nurse from Shared Solutions actually showed up at my house to teach me how to do the injections myself.

   The reality is, it SUCKS! Don't get me wrong I'm glad to finally be doing something to "treat" my MS but the reality is, it hurts. I'm told it will get better with time. I personally think the pain doesn't get better you just get used to it and it becomes your new reality.

   My DH and I went to Kansas to see my step-son play in his last football game of the season. For most it wouldn't be a big deal but this was the first time we had spent any time with him in three years. After his last visit we had so much trouble with him we told him he couldn't come back until he could act right. Well three years later, and several arrests later, he finally decided he was ready. I really do hope it continues.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Prayer and Patience

   I'm learning alot about patience on this roller coaster ride that is MS. At the same time I'm learning alot about the power of prayer.

   God does answer our prayers, we just have to ask. Weather its something trivial, or something monumental he wants to hear about it. That doesn't mean hes going to give us what we want just because we ask for it. He sees the big picture and knows our futures even if we don't. He always answers our prayers, even if we don't like the answers we get. I'm finding that out the hard way lately.

   When I had my first MS flare up (which wasn't really my first just my first one diagnosed) I prayed so much and for so many different things it got to the point I didn't know what to ask for any more. By the day of my scheduled MRI's I was just praying that my tests were not inconclusive. On the day of my appointment with Dr.G and what turned out to be the day of my diagnosis my test were in fact not inconclusive but they were not the answers I was hoping for.

   In the days since my diagnosis there has been many ups and downs, lots of prayers prayed. A big one for me has been how am I going to get my meds? God show me how. My meds are around $4000.00 a month just for my injections. Well after several long months of filling out paper work and waiting yesterday that prayer was answered in a BIG way.

   I was at school, as I am every Monday morning and got a phone call from an 800# that I clearly was not going to answer because 1) if its an 800# chances are is just a bill collector about my hospital and I have nothing new to tell them 2) I'm at school and not everyone needs to know my business (although I am telling all of you!).  The call went to voicemail, which until Sunday night had not been working, and surprisingly enough someone left a message. My thought was man those bill collectors are really persistent if they go to the point of leaving a message. After my last class was out and I had trekked what feels like 50 miles across campus I was sitting in my car trying to catch my breath I figured I would listen to the message and find out who wanted money now.

   To my surprise it was not a bill collector at all. I listened to the message 4 times before it really sank in what the woman from Walgreen's was telling me. She was trying to set up a shipping date for my first 90 day supply of Copaxone. I laughed, I cried, I laughed some more.

 It comes tomorrow!

    I can honestly say I have never been so excited about getting a shot in my entire life! I'm sure the excitement wont last long once the reality of giving myself injections every day for the rest of my life sets in, but for now I'm ecstatic and oh so thankful.

Monday, October 11, 2010

A Lesson in Patience

We all have things to learn in this world.

 Evidently right now I'm getting a lesson in Patience. Weather I want one or not.

All of my paper work for my medical assistance has been turned in, twice. Back in Aug. I was told "they" ,whoever "they" are, only had 30 days to make a decision. Well its clearly been more the 30 days, still no decision BUT I did get a nice little letter in the mail saying "they" were waiting for more of my medical records before a decision was made. Turns out "they" are a medical review board that gets to decide if I'm considered "disabled" enough to get assistance.

Assistance that only lasts for 3 months.

3 months that have clearly come and gone.

So even if it were to be approved it wont do me any good at all except to pay my hospital bill from the diagnosis.

I'm also playing the waiting game with Shared Solutions, and NORD.

They are the companies I am trying to get my meds through. Its a long process of hurry up and fill out these papers, make copies of your entire life, send them in, and wait.  The wait is torturous. Its been six weeks since I mailed my packet off and you guessed it, still waiting.

The waiting is making me crazy!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Diagnosis...

   I started this post back in June when I got my diagnosis....and then walked away from it without finishing it...several times over. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't face it in my every day reality. I couldn't put it into words when I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. So I walked away from my blog and haven't come back until now...

Multiple Sclerosis

Multiple Sclerosis

I have Multiple Sclerosis

   I can still hear my Neurologist, Dr. G, saying those words. I'm sorry Denise but all of your MRI's are conclusive. You have multiple lesions in your brain and the one in your neck. At some point we will need to do an MRI of your spine as well to check for more lesions.

After hearing MS all I heard Dr. G say was Blah Blah Blah blahblah blah blah...

   I was glad I had someone with me but was horrified that it was my 19 year old son. What a way for a child to find out that his mom is sick. Not that I had much choice, I didn't. I was still recovering from having high dose steroid treatments, and let me just tell ya the side effects, for some people, are ugly. I'm one of the lucky ones. It was ugly. I have a love/hate relationship with steroids. They worked wonders but I felt awful for a good 2 weeks.

Here's a little history:

   It was May 21,2010. I'll never forget the day. It was my sons graduation day. It had been a pretty layed back day. We had all been out of school for a couple of weeks and just enjoying the beginning of summer at home. I had noticed some tingling in the very tips of my toes for a couple of hours. Not even anything major and honestly if I hadn't been sitting at home all day with no shoes on I probably wouldn't have even noticed it.

   As I was getting ready to leave for graduation, the side of my arm and hand, down by my pinkie finger, started to tingle. I dint think much of it at the time. Earlier in the year I had been diagnosed with Carpel Tunnel. I had been holding a camera for a while by now so I just attributed the tingling to the combination of the two.

   By the next morning both of my arms were tingling. By mid afternoon I was numb and tingling from the chest down.

   After a few days I went to a walking clinic to see what was going on. I figured a walk in would be cheaper because I don't have insurance and didn't want to waste the money for them to tell me I was OK, no big deal don't worry. After several hours in the clinic and a visit from the local vampire to draw what seemed like a gallon of blood I left with no answers and a very large bill.

  About a week later my tingling had turned into full blown numbness and my numbness had started to become increasingly uncomfortable, and I had started to lose some function in my hands. It was time for a trip to the ER.

   Its amazing how fast things happen when you walk into an ER and tell them your numb from the chest down. I didn't know what the big deal was, why was everyone freaking out? I had a full set of neck x-rays and was headed to the MRI machine within 30 minutes of walking into the hospital. Turns out things didn't continue to move that fast. After waiting what seemed like forever a nice doctor came in to tell me "we" were waiting for a neurologist. WOW wait a minute, a neurologist? Why do I need a neurologist?  Now I'm freaking out.

   When the neurologist, Dr.G, finally came in he did a few test, made some faces, and scribbled some notes, and scowled some more. I knew this couldn't be good. He said I had Transverse Myelitis, went on to explain what it was and then proceded to gloss over the fact that this "could be a sign of something else" and I needed to have some more tests done. Another MRI, this time with contrast, on my neck and one on my head along with a lumbar puncture. BUT he continued to reassure me that chances are everything would be fine.

   He told me I could do the high dose steroids if I wanted to but since it had been so long since the onset of my symptoms he didn't know if it would make alot of difference in the outcome. It was up to me. After doing some research and talking to a few people I decided to do the steroids. I'm glad I did/I wish I hadn't. Like I said before, love/hate. I swore I wouldn't ever do them again, but I will.

   I had my two other MRI's the following week after all the drama, because I don't have insurance, they wanted me to pay for it up front. Well that wasn't going to happen, I don't have that kind of money. They did the tests anyway. I found out later that because of my "diagnosis" they couldn't deny me treatment.

   My appointment with Dr. G was a week later and the rest as they say is history

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Being A Parent...

...Sure was easier when my kids were younger.

Don't get me wrong I have loved being a mom to my boys every second of their lives but it is so much harder watching them deal with more adult issues and know that I can't just  kiss their hurts away.

My oldest son is home from school for the summer, and I wish I could say he was enjoying what is left of his childhood. He should be hanging out with his friends, going to the lake, watching movies, having fun! Instead hes miserable. He met a girl at school and they have been dating for a few months, unfortunately she lives three hours away. So he spends his days obsessing about what shes doing and who shes doing it with and hes getting more and more stressed out, and I foresee an ugly bout of depression coming on any time now. (especially since hes not taking his meds)

I so would not want to go back and do it all over again. The drama, the ups and downs, the he said/she. It seems like so long ago that I was there, but at the same time I can still remember it like it was yesterday. The pain of an ugly break-up, the endless tears from a broken heart. There's not enough money in the world to make me want to relive that and its even more painful to watch your child go through it!

I guess we all go through it at some point in our lives, and I know that no matter what I say to him it won't take away his pain just like my mom knew there was nothing she could do to take my pain away. We just want to protect our kids from hurting.

I know at some point in the future when he has a family of his own he will look back on his teenage years and remember this summer so he is able to help his own kids struggle through their broken hearts, just like I look back on mine, and my mom looked back on hers.....

Monday, May 31, 2010

Happy Graduation!

Well its that time of year again, my baby has graduated! I can not believe all my babies have graduated and are growing in to young men. Ryan will be joining his brother at ATU in the fall and I will truly be falling apart be a proud momma.

Thought I would share some pictures of his big day. He graduated with honors, as an Arkansas scholar, with an honors diploma, and at the top of his class. He was offered an academic scholarship, a Second Century Scholars scholarship, and a scholarship from the state all totaling over $25,000 a year.

I am so proud of you Ryan! You set your goals high and worked hard to reach them. I love You!

The only picture I have of me and Ryan and of
course hes making a face!

The three stooges, Ryan, Ramon, & Perry

Ramon & Ryan, they have been best friends since
the 6th grade. Its hard to believe they are all grown up.

The Gangs All Here

Ramone and Jaden will be moving this summer out of state but they have been a big part of our family for many years and will be missed.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


Its almost unheard of, almost. It snows here in the south, if you can call it that, on average of once a winter. We are more likely to have an ice storm than we are to have snow. But  it has snowed twice this winter and and according to our local weather genious sometimes correct weather man we may have snow next week as well.

 I was so excited to have snow, ya know real  snow, more than an inch, that I ( when I say I, I mean my loving husband and I, because I was not driving in that mess)  took these pictures.

I hope you like them!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Today Is A Very Special Day...

Today is the day of my first borns birth. ( 1-22-1991) Don't try to do the math he's 19. I know, I know its hard to believe someone as young looking as me could not possably have a child that is 19 but it is true.

19 years ago today is a day that I will never forget. The only thing in this world I ever wanted to do was be a mom, and today my dream was coming true. After 13 long hours of labor my beautiful baby boy was born. Its not always been easy but it has always been an adventure. 

My baby is no longer a baby but a young adult, and I am proud to be his mom. When I didn't know if he would even graduate from high school he did better than that, he worked hard and graduated and got into a great college. He's now a freshman in college, and yes it was miserable watching him go off to school but I could not be more proud of him. Much to my dismay he has proven that he can be responsable and take care of himself.
Happy Birthday my sweet baby, you are turning into an amazing young man in front of my eyes and I am so very proud of you!!


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Come Shred With Me

Anyone that knows me knows I do not do new years resalutions because I will NOT stick with it. I start out with the best of intentions and I might stick with it for a few weeks.

A few weeks ago some of you were doing the Shred workout with great success. I was hooked, I went out and bought my copy of Shred and you guessed it......its still sitting in the same place I left it, until today when I actually opened it.

I'm going to start the Shred tomorrow with the rest of you, and I'm determined to stay motivated with your help!

I'm definatly not going on a diet, anything that starts with DIE can not be good, right? I will be modifying what I eat, cutting down on portion sizes, and limiting sweets, and pop.

Next week when I return to school I will also be doing two aerobics classes a week. I'm excited to get started and to see progress.

My goal: to be able to wear a bikini this summer

Current waist size : 35 inches

Good Luck to all of you Shredders!