Being A Parent...

...Sure was easier when my kids were younger.

Don't get me wrong I have loved being a mom to my boys every second of their lives but it is so much harder watching them deal with more adult issues and know that I can't just  kiss their hurts away.

My oldest son is home from school for the summer, and I wish I could say he was enjoying what is left of his childhood. He should be hanging out with his friends, going to the lake, watching movies, having fun! Instead hes miserable. He met a girl at school and they have been dating for a few months, unfortunately she lives three hours away. So he spends his days obsessing about what shes doing and who shes doing it with and hes getting more and more stressed out, and I foresee an ugly bout of depression coming on any time now. (especially since hes not taking his meds)

I so would not want to go back and do it all over again. The drama, the ups and downs, the he said/she. It seems like so long ago that I was there, but at the same time I can still remember it like it was yesterday. The pain of an ugly break-up, the endless tears from a broken heart. There's not enough money in the world to make me want to relive that and its even more painful to watch your child go through it!

I guess we all go through it at some point in our lives, and I know that no matter what I say to him it won't take away his pain just like my mom knew there was nothing she could do to take my pain away. We just want to protect our kids from hurting.

I know at some point in the future when he has a family of his own he will look back on his teenage years and remember this summer so he is able to help his own kids struggle through their broken hearts, just like I look back on mine, and my mom looked back on hers.....

Different....But the Same...

Its raining...again.....still.....rain....thunder....lightning...quiet.....


Both of the kids are out for the weekend.....quiet.....


I wonder if this is what its going to be like? What its going to be like in the next few months when my first little bird flys away from the nest. Taking his first steps into adulthood. Leaving for college away from home, away from me. Can he do it? Can I do it?


He's so ready to go, so independent. I think hes been grown his whole life, but hes still my baby. I understand now how hard it was on my parents when I grew up, because in a lot of ways me and my first born son are so much alike. Independent, self sufficient, at least on the outside.....but different in so many ways....


He's so grown up, but when I look at him I can still see the little boy he used to be. I'm so proud of him, but so sad that my baby is growing up right before my eyes. I love you....