So...It Turns Out

...That I might possibly be am a bit judgmental...and I don't like it one little bit. Do you know why? Of course you don't know why because I haven't told you yet but I'll get to that in a second.


   I'm typically what some would call an over achiever when it comes to my school work, OK who am I kidding I have been called an over achiever by several of my classmates. But can you blame me? I pay a lot of money to take these classes and I feel if I'm not going to do my best then why do it ya know,and maybe its because I want to prove to my kids that I'm not dumb as a box of rocks! 




   So I'm typically the one sitting in class with all my homework done,  3 page paper written and typed when it only had to be 1 page (that really did happen, it was due today), notes printed off and ready to work. I'm also the one who looks around the class and wonders what in the heck these kids could passably be doing that was so important that they couldn't take a few minutes before class and stop by a mirror and pick up a brush...and use it. Or bother to change into something other than the clothes that they wore out last night. I sit there in my own little world and these are the things that I think about. Do their mommas know they are dressing this way? Do their daddy's know their little princess is cussin' like a sailor?


   But I digress...I'm taking a social psych class this semester. I knew when I signed up for the class that its an upper level class, to which I am not yet a member of...upper level that is. I talked to my advisers about the class, even to the dean of the department to get approval. I was told it was not problem I wouldn't have any trouble keeping up " you have good grades" they said. Well this is true I do work hard for my grades so I wasn't , and I'm still not, worried that I wouldn't be successful in the class.


   What I wasn't prepared for going into this class was the feeling of being "left out" so to speak.  Now usually it takes me a while to warm up to new people, it always has, so that was no surprise, but it really puts things in perspective when you look around the room for someone to do a group project with and almost everyone has already picked their groups because they are all "upper classmen" and have known each other for several years and have had other classes together. OK so I can deal with that I don't know these people and they don't know me so I cant expect them to know about my over acheiverness (is that a word?) so I start looking around for a group to join and the only ones left are...well...the kids that shoulda looked in the mirror before walkin out of their dorm rooms and the kids that are only taking the class because they needed to fill up an hour a day with an upper level class. Well about this time I'm realizing I'm screwed and it dawned on me that I was judging them based on their appearance without knowing anything about them just like I had been judged 2 minutes before because I'm just a sophomore.


   Don't ya love it when God points somethin out to ya by just slappin ya in the face with it!

It's Been A Long Crazy Week

   Hell who am I kidding? The last couple of weeks have been long, I guess you could tell since I haven't been posting much huh?


   The beginning of the semester is always hard but it seems like this one was particularly hard for some reason.


   I have been under alot of stress and I think that has had alot to do with it...you know the whole stress and MS not mixing thing...but then add in the usual stress from school and it kinda pushed me over the edge a little.


   I ended up dropping my algebra class after the old geezer my professor proved he couldn't teach. Granted I'm a little spoiled when it comes to math teachers so I gave him a chance, I think two wasted weeks is enough don't you(?), but when I spent an hour listening to him tell us how to "guess" at the right numbers on a graph I knew I had to get out! I mean really, you want me to GUESS on the answers? Might be fine in your class but I don't think guessing on the final is going to cut it! So I took a 50% loss on the class and signed up for an 8 week class starting in March.


   Both the boys are back at school and I'm starting to get used to the quiet again and settle into a routine. Its always so hard when they leave, the silence is deafening sometimes. You wouldn't think two kids that hardly ever come out of their rooms would make that much noise but you sure do notice it when they aren't there.


   Remember I told you all about my step-son coming for Christmas...well we havnt really heard anything from him since. The Cable Guy and I both kind of feel he was just going back to his games. Only wanting contact when he wanted something. He got his presents and as soon as Christmas was 0ver he was ready to go home. The only time hes made any contact since has been to ask for money or for his dad to buy him something...Guess he really hasnt changed that much after all. Very disapointing for him and for his dad.


   Hoping for a new start and less stress next week....

I Hate When Things Don't Work Out As Planned

I'm sitting here on my butt when I should be at the very least doing homework but instead I'm contemplating even staying in school.

I got a phone call a while ago, a call I knew was coming, even expecting to confirm my appointment with Dr. G (my neurologist).

An appointment I was very much looking forward to, I know how weird does that sound, right? But I have been having alot of pain that I wanted to talk with him about and some other questions I needed to get answered. I fully expect every morning when I wake up to be in the midst of an MS crisis because the pain in my neck has been so bad for the past few weeks.

 I get the call and this little voice on the line informs me that because I don't have any insurance I have to pay $100.00 up front for the visit. Well that wasn't a surprise its always been that way. I have been saving that $100.00 since Christmas so I would be able to see Dr.G. BUT then this little mouse of a voice proceeds to tell me that I have to also make a payment towards my account or they wont see me. Well me not really expecting this just said OK and hung up the phone. Then it hit me...I cant come up with any money on the fly like that, its taken me weeks to save the money that I knew I was going to need.

So now as I sat there contemplating this turn of events crying hysterically thinking calmly I realize that now I have to call the doctors office back and cancel this appointment. Have you ever had to call and cancel a doctors appointment? They always want to play 20 questions, why are you canceling, do you want to reschedule?

It always tears me up to tell them no I cant reschedule because I cant afford it. I can just see them making so big red X on my file so that way everyone will know when they look up my name.

Its pretty sad that we live in one of, if not the best, medically advanced countries in the world but it cost so much for medical care millions of people are doing without care because we cant afford it.

Why finish my degree when the people that would most need my help will never get it because they cant afford it? I cant even help myself how am I going to help them?

Are You Over the Hill?

I got this emailed to me the other day...Are you over the hill?








I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!








There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!





Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!



There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!





Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?





We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!



There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.



And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!





We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!



You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!



There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!



And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!





And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!



And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!



See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

So...

I'm just...


So tired.


The first day of spring classes and I'm already exausted, or maybe because its the first day and I'm out of practice. After one day in class with my algebra teacher I'm already having flashbacks of the most horendous teacher I have ever had.


So sad.


Both the boys are safely back at school. Its not like they interacted much when they were home, after all they are teenage boys, but its so quiet in the house with them not here.


So cold.


We are having some really weird weather here. Temps in the teens for highs today, keep in mind I live in Arkansas. We are not prepared!

Kinda Bummed

 I was really hopping for more snow or somethin.


Still might get it, its been sleeting and theres been some freezing drizzle for a couple hours.


I'm kinda bummed watching Guitar man going through his totes, getting all of his stuff ready to leave for school.


Sax Man fixed supper tonight so I didn't have to, and hes been getting his laundry washed and ready to go as well.


Its been nice having them both home for so long. It will be like starting all over when they go back to school. The empty nest all over again, only this time I know how bad its gonna suck instead of just anticipating it.


I know it will only last a few days then it will be back to the same ol same ol. School, homework, blah, blah, blah.


I'm trying to think of it in terms of "I had a great time with them while they were home" instead of "damn I'm gonna miss them". Kinda the glass half full instead of half empty....


Either way I'm kinda bummed.


This was supposed to post last night but our Internet went out....again. As it turns out there wasn't enough snow fall last night to close school and the roads seem pretty clear so it looks like the boys will both be going back to school sometime today.

Hi Ho Hi Ho.... UPDATE!

   ...its off to school I go. 


    In the spring of 2009 I was faced with the reality of my baby, my first born, graduating high school and going away to college. Guitar Man would be right behind him a year later. My babies weren't babies any more so there wasn't much need for a SAHM when theres no one there that needs mothering.


   I had talked about going to college for several years but never seriously. It was a few weeks, maybe a month before Sax Man was to leave for school and I hadn't been feeling very well. One morning I woke up The Cable Guy for work as usual, but the day was anything but usual. My neck was killing me but by this time that wasn't a surprise. Then I noticed I was slurring my words, and couldn't say or think of some words. I thought I was having a stroke. I was scared to death. This as it turns out was the first of two major MS flair up in less than a year. Only at the time we didn't know what it was, it didn't have a name. I didn't even realize at the time that this "speech thing" had a name. Aphasia, that's what its called. All I knew is I was scared. After a few days it started getting better so I just blew it off as a nasty crick in my neck but it made me realize I needed to make some decisions about my life.


   I went to UAFS without telling anyone and took the test to enroll in college, and before I could talk myself out of it, enrolled in my first semester of classes.


   Fast forward to now and I'm sitting here procrastinating getting my backpack ready for my first day of the spring semester. My enthusiasm and excitement has waned a little but I'm still determined to go as long as I can.


   So Hi Ho Hi Ho Its off to school I go....or maybe not......ITS SNOWING!

No school tomorrow because of the snow! So Hi Ho Hi Ho its off to school I go...Wednesday HA!

Making Progress

I cant say I got alot done today, you might have seen the list of things I have yet to accomplish on my break.


I did make a dent in said list, a very small dent....OK maybe more like a scratch.


I went and stood in line at the campus book store for 20 min just to follow a pimply faced kid nice young man around shelf after shelf of over priced books, that probably will never even be opened by their future owners. After going through my list of classes and retrieving the required books that he promptly dumped in my hands he proceeded to tell me how lucky I was that I got some of my books used.


OK don't get to excited because this is what it cost to get some of my books used!

OK that's a horrible picture so I'll translate for you $658.84 for four used books. Used books that I'm not sure will even get used! On the upside I may be able to take my algebra book back for a full refund if my professor decides we will be using the online version instead. BUT...theres always a but...I'm still wait listed from one of my classes so if I get into that one...yup you guessed it,gotta buy another book!



My ADA letters for my teachers picked up, a quick trip to the library for an application to a new program starting at school, realized I needed proof of my ADA services so went back to the ADA office to get the form then off to the Rehab office to drop off paper work so they will pay for my spring classes only to be told I didn't have all the papers I needed, thankfully she let me use her computer to print them out so I didn't have to make another trip.

 My quick trip into town turned into an all day event and made it home with even more work for myself in the way of a scholarship application, and an application for the new SSS program starting this spring.

You know what they say....We make plans and God laughs!

I did get some good news though, my Copaxone for the next three months is being delivered next week.

Time Is Running Out...

...I go back to school next week and I don't feel like I have accomplished anything I had planned on doing. Well except vegging out on the couch resting and trying to recover for the coming semester but even that wasn't a success because my neck is still hurting. In fact at times I feel like one of those bobble head toys that cant hold their heads up.


My bedroom is still a disaster area and should have a condemned sticker on the door, my books haven't been bought for school, heck I don't think I even cleaned out my backpack from last semester. The receipts haven't been added up for taxes, transfer papers haven't been sent in, OK they haven't even been printed out yet. Scholarship applications haven't been signed, rehab papers haven't been delivered so not all of my funding is complete for this semester, but hey I did give the dogs a bath!  That's progress right? I heard on the news a while ago theres a chance for snow this weekend, and here in Arkansas when we get snow everything shuts down....come on snow!



image provided by google images


Its been great having the boys home from school, not that I see them much, but I will miss them when they go back...or maybe not....no, no  I definitely will. I just had a flash of how quiet it was in the first weeks of the fall semester...eweeee.


Oh well theres always tomorrow...

I Got A Phone Call Today...

...from Walgreen's specialty pharmacy that's in charge for shipping my Copaxone, thanks to NORD. Naturally I got all excited thinking they were going to schedule my next shipment of liquid gold. I only have about 10 days left so I was starting to stress about it. Well turns out I got excited for no reason and as it turns out I have every reason to stress.


My current prescription is expired and the pharmacy has been trying to contact my neurologist for a couple of weeks and hasn't gotten anywhere. I called the office to see what was going on, I mean come on all they have to do is send a fax takes 60 seconds tops. So I call and talk to Dr.G's nurse as always, come to find out shes been out since October and doesn't have a clue whats going on. She did promise to do some research and let me know whats going on, meanwhile its almost 4:00pm and I'm still waiting.

Updates!

I figured since I'm doing updates to  my blog it was time to do an update on my blog!


Its been a busy few weeks. Finals are over, finally, which brought with it Christmas break and time at home to be lazy and veg on the couch, rest and relax. The boys are home as well which is always great. I love spending time with them when they are home but it will be hard when they have to go back to school.

Christmas was great even though I was dealing with a bad case of the bah humbugs there for a while. My step-son has been here for about a week but will be going back home in a couple of days. Its been nice having him here, if for no other reason than to see the Cable Guy so happy and relaxed. I forgot how hard it is having a 13 yr old in the house. They are always bored but I have to say he's been pretty well behaved compared to previous visits which I am thankful for. We spent Christmas day at my parents house, my brother and his family were there for a while and it always fun hanging out with little D. Normally its stressful for me trying to control referee all the arguments but it was surprisingly uneventful.


Guitar Man with his usual "put the camera down already" look






Sax Man takin pictures of his grandpa takin pictures



All 3 boys



The whole family together on Christmas day 2010