Different....But the Same...

Its raining...again.....still.....rain....thunder....lightning...quiet.....


Both of the kids are out for the weekend.....quiet.....


I wonder if this is what its going to be like? What its going to be like in the next few months when my first little bird flys away from the nest. Taking his first steps into adulthood. Leaving for college away from home, away from me. Can he do it? Can I do it?


He's so ready to go, so independent. I think hes been grown his whole life, but hes still my baby. I understand now how hard it was on my parents when I grew up, because in a lot of ways me and my first born son are so much alike. Independent, self sufficient, at least on the outside.....but different in so many ways....


He's so grown up, but when I look at him I can still see the little boy he used to be. I'm so proud of him, but so sad that my baby is growing up right before my eyes. I love you....

Paralyzed.....Hope...Fear.....

Theres so much going on today, tomorrow, this week. So much I need to be doing and I can't seem to make myself move. Its almost like being paralyzed by.....something.....but I don't know what. Fear maybe......hope.....both......is that even possible? I don't know. I don't know anything at this point in my day, in my life....except that I love my family and I am loved by Jesus, and even though I don't know whats going to happen, HE does. I wish I could say that brought me some kind of comfort, but I would be lying. I think I have OCD when it comes to my kids, I can't seem to let go, I have to be in control and know whats going on at all times. I'm faced with a situation now where I don't know whats going on, what's going to happen and I don't like it, not one bit! At the same time there is so much going on in the world that I kinda feel guilty for the way I have been acting and treating the people around me.

For example...Baby Stellan http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ is having surgery today to try and fix his little heart. ( I pray that everything is going well and his doctors are able to do the best they can to help him )
Or baby April http://www.littleoneapril.blogspot.com/ I can't imagine what her parents are going through right now.


In comparison my problems don't seem nearly as bad..........at least that's what I keep telling myself as I sit here, unmoving, for what seems like hours.... I pray for peace , I pray for knowledge and understanding...won't you pray too?