The Diagnosis...

   I started this post back in June when I got my diagnosis....and then walked away from it without finishing it...several times over. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't face it in my every day reality. I couldn't put it into words when I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. So I walked away from my blog and haven't come back until now...


Multiple Sclerosis


Multiple Sclerosis


I have Multiple Sclerosis


   I can still hear my Neurologist, Dr. G, saying those words. I'm sorry Denise but all of your MRI's are conclusive. You have multiple lesions in your brain and the one in your neck. At some point we will need to do an MRI of your spine as well to check for more lesions.

After hearing MS all I heard Dr. G say was Blah Blah Blah blahblah blah blah...

   I was glad I had someone with me but was horrified that it was my 19 year old son. What a way for a child to find out that his mom is sick. Not that I had much choice, I didn't. I was still recovering from having high dose steroid treatments, and let me just tell ya the side effects, for some people, are ugly. I'm one of the lucky ones. It was ugly. I have a love/hate relationship with steroids. They worked wonders but I felt awful for a good 2 weeks.

Here's a little history:

   It was May 21,2010. I'll never forget the day. It was my sons graduation day. It had been a pretty layed back day. We had all been out of school for a couple of weeks and just enjoying the beginning of summer at home. I had noticed some tingling in the very tips of my toes for a couple of hours. Not even anything major and honestly if I hadn't been sitting at home all day with no shoes on I probably wouldn't have even noticed it.

   As I was getting ready to leave for graduation, the side of my arm and hand, down by my pinkie finger, started to tingle. I dint think much of it at the time. Earlier in the year I had been diagnosed with Carpel Tunnel. I had been holding a camera for a while by now so I just attributed the tingling to the combination of the two.

   By the next morning both of my arms were tingling. By mid afternoon I was numb and tingling from the chest down.

   After a few days I went to a walking clinic to see what was going on. I figured a walk in would be cheaper because I don't have insurance and didn't want to waste the money for them to tell me I was OK, no big deal don't worry. After several hours in the clinic and a visit from the local vampire to draw what seemed like a gallon of blood I left with no answers and a very large bill.

  About a week later my tingling had turned into full blown numbness and my numbness had started to become increasingly uncomfortable, and I had started to lose some function in my hands. It was time for a trip to the ER.


   Its amazing how fast things happen when you walk into an ER and tell them your numb from the chest down. I didn't know what the big deal was, why was everyone freaking out? I had a full set of neck x-rays and was headed to the MRI machine within 30 minutes of walking into the hospital. Turns out things didn't continue to move that fast. After waiting what seemed like forever a nice doctor came in to tell me "we" were waiting for a neurologist. WOW wait a minute, a neurologist? Why do I need a neurologist?  Now I'm freaking out.

   When the neurologist, Dr.G, finally came in he did a few test, made some faces, and scribbled some notes, and scowled some more. I knew this couldn't be good. He said I had Transverse Myelitis, went on to explain what it was and then proceded to gloss over the fact that this "could be a sign of something else" and I needed to have some more tests done. Another MRI, this time with contrast, on my neck and one on my head along with a lumbar puncture. BUT he continued to reassure me that chances are everything would be fine.

   He told me I could do the high dose steroids if I wanted to but since it had been so long since the onset of my symptoms he didn't know if it would make alot of difference in the outcome. It was up to me. After doing some research and talking to a few people I decided to do the steroids. I'm glad I did/I wish I hadn't. Like I said before, love/hate. I swore I wouldn't ever do them again, but I will.



   I had my two other MRI's the following week after all the drama, because I don't have insurance, they wanted me to pay for it up front. Well that wasn't going to happen, I don't have that kind of money. They did the tests anyway. I found out later that because of my "diagnosis" they couldn't deny me treatment.

   My appointment with Dr. G was a week later and the rest as they say is history

Being A Parent...

...Sure was easier when my kids were younger.

Don't get me wrong I have loved being a mom to my boys every second of their lives but it is so much harder watching them deal with more adult issues and know that I can't just  kiss their hurts away.

My oldest son is home from school for the summer, and I wish I could say he was enjoying what is left of his childhood. He should be hanging out with his friends, going to the lake, watching movies, having fun! Instead hes miserable. He met a girl at school and they have been dating for a few months, unfortunately she lives three hours away. So he spends his days obsessing about what shes doing and who shes doing it with and hes getting more and more stressed out, and I foresee an ugly bout of depression coming on any time now. (especially since hes not taking his meds)

I so would not want to go back and do it all over again. The drama, the ups and downs, the he said/she. It seems like so long ago that I was there, but at the same time I can still remember it like it was yesterday. The pain of an ugly break-up, the endless tears from a broken heart. There's not enough money in the world to make me want to relive that and its even more painful to watch your child go through it!

I guess we all go through it at some point in our lives, and I know that no matter what I say to him it won't take away his pain just like my mom knew there was nothing she could do to take my pain away. We just want to protect our kids from hurting.

I know at some point in the future when he has a family of his own he will look back on his teenage years and remember this summer so he is able to help his own kids struggle through their broken hearts, just like I look back on mine, and my mom looked back on hers.....

Happy Graduation!

Well its that time of year again, my baby has graduated! I can not believe all my babies have graduated and are growing in to young men. Ryan will be joining his brother at ATU in the fall and I will truly be falling apart be a proud momma.

Thought I would share some pictures of his big day. He graduated with honors, as an Arkansas scholar, with an honors diploma, and at the top of his class. He was offered an academic scholarship, a Second Century Scholars scholarship, and a scholarship from the state all totaling over $25,000 a year.

I am so proud of you Ryan! You set your goals high and worked hard to reach them. I love You!

The only picture I have of me and Ryan and of

course hes making a face!

The three stooges, Ryan, Ramon, & Perry

Ramon & Ryan, they have been best friends since

the 6th grade. Its hard to believe they are all grown up.

The Gangs All Here

Jaden,Ramon,Ryan,Tony

Ramone and Jaden will be moving this summer out of state but they have been a big part of our family for many years and will be missed.

Snow!!

Its almost unheard of, almost. It snows here in the south, if you can call it that, on average of once a winter. We are more likely to have an ice storm than we are to have snow. But  it has snowed twice this winter and and according to our local weather genious sometimes correct weather man we may have snow next week as well.

 I was so excited to have snow, ya know real  snow, more than an inch, that I ( when I say I, I mean my loving husband and I, because I was not driving in that mess)  took these pictures.

I hope you like them!

Today Is A Very Special Day...

Today is the day of my first borns birth. ( 1-22-1991) Don't try to do the math he's 19. I know, I know its hard to believe someone as young looking as me could not possably have a child that is 19 but it is true.

19 years ago today is a day that I will never forget. The only thing in this world I ever wanted to do was be a mom, and today my dream was coming true. After 13 long hours of labor my beautiful baby boy was born. Its not always been easy but it has always been an adventure. 

My baby is no longer a baby but a young adult, and I am proud to be his mom. When I didn't know if he would even graduate from high school he did better than that, he worked hard and graduated and got into a great college. He's now a freshman in college, and yes it was miserable watching him go off to school but I could not be more proud of him. Much to my dismay he has proven that he can be responsable and take care of himself.
Happy Birthday my sweet baby, you are turning into an amazing young man in front of my eyes and I am so very proud of you!!

                                                    

Come Shred With Me

Anyone that knows me knows I do not do new years resalutions because I will NOT stick with it. I start out with the best of intentions and I might stick with it for a few weeks.

A few weeks ago some of you were doing the Shred workout with great success. I was hooked, I went out and bought my copy of Shred and you guessed it......its still sitting in the same place I left it, until today when I actually opened it.

I'm going to start the Shred tomorrow with the rest of you, and I'm determined to stay motivated with your help!

I'm definatly not going on a diet, anything that starts with DIE can not be good, right? I will be modifying what I eat, cutting down on portion sizes, and limiting sweets, and pop.

Next week when I return to school I will also be doing two aerobics classes a week. I'm excited to get started and to see progress.

My goal: to be able to wear a bikini this summer

Current waist size : 35 inches


Good Luck to all of you Shredders!

Not Me Monday!

Well its been a while since I have written a Not Me Monday post so there are tons of things I could talk about, if they had actually happened!

A few weeks back my husband had had a not so great day at work, me and the boys had just finished eating supper. Now I would never consider feeding our four legged friends anything from the table, and would certenly not feed them off of a fork. My wonderful hard working hubby would never have to come in from work and make his own plate to sit down and eat but if he did he surely wouldn't forget to get a fork on the way to the table would he? And he wouldn't think about grabbing the fork off my plate instead of getting up, no way, not him! And I sure wouldn't let him eat with the same fork the dogs had just eaten off of, that is if I had truly fed the dogs with a fork, and then not tell him. I would never do such a thing!

If there is something you would never in a million years do, but if you did and wanted to share you can do it here and I promise no one will ever find out!